Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
