I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
