it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
