life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
