I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
