What a fucking waste of an outfit
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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