my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
