operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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