Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
