She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
