we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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