And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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