You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My pussy is not your playground.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
