I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
