What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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