Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
