dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
