Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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