It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
