Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
