I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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