dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
