The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
