We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize