Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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