He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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