My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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