I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
