She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
