i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
