Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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