Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
