oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
