Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize