Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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