"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
