My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
