just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
