And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
