I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
