Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I hate having morals and standards the next morning.

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  (732): I hate having morals and standards the next morning. http://tfl.nu/3tqs
  Replies (9) Good night (2713) Bad night (1050)
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  (510): View more from California

  I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.

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  (510): I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself. http://tfl.nu/0jlx
  Replies (74) Good night (1001) Bad night (3212)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.

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  (847): We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate. http://tfl.nu/z0ff
  Replies (10) Good night (8803) Bad night (975)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  He likes Jesus. Game over.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.

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  (804): He likes Jesus. Game over. (804): Oooh wait, he just told me he was high. http://tfl.nu/lcdj
  Replies (14) Good night (4861) Bad night (1447)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.

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  (778): I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT. http://tfl.nu/jn8b
  Replies (17) Good night (1235) Bad night (4178)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.

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  (330): I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing. http://tfl.nu/hw5t
  Replies (6) Good night (1360) Bad night (3007)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.

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  (612): I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look. http://tfl.nu/oye1
  Replies (9) Good night (3021) Bad night (798)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.

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  (617): All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you. http://tfl.nu/zb33
  Replies (3) Good night (767) Bad night (1886)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  why does he always try to puke into shot glasses

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  (303): why does he always try to puke into shot glasses http://tfl.nu/7wx4
  Replies (6) Good night (464) Bad night (1365)
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  (876): View more from Jamaica

  i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend

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  (876): i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend http://tfl.nu/snpm
  Replies (9) Good night (764) Bad night (428)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.

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  (716): I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you. http://tfl.nu/7kt1
  Replies (7) Good night (1077) Bad night (440)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake

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  (815): I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake http://tfl.nu/t4t1
  Replies (4) Good night (1038) Bad night (312)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.

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  (720): Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid. http://tfl.nu/ckk0
  Replies (2) Good night (819) Bad night (209)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.

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  (570): The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better. http://tfl.nu/cik5
  Replies (4) Good night (626) Bad night (246)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?

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  (941): He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating? http://tfl.nu/3gve
  Replies (7) Good night (225) Bad night (830)

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