all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
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he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
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I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo