somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Boobs speak an international language.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips