I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?