Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.