Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.