my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
