I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
