make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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