I didn't shave. On purpose
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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