Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
