so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
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I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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