Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
