You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
