whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
