Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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