HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
