Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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