I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You smell like stripper and shame
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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