when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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