I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
