My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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