so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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