birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
do nipples grow back?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize