i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
