my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
