Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
