So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
