pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
