If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
