im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
