I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
