I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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