he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
