so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
