On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
