my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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