Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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