My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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