why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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