Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
